Tag Archives: family

Ten Commandments of the Military Marriage

A few years ago, our Sunday School class watched a series by Ed and Lisa Young.

In the series, they discussed marriage and they made a list entitled “The Ten Commandments of Marriage”.

It was a pretty good list and can be found here.

But, it didn’t really cater to the military lifestyle, although they are still applicable to your marriage: nevertheless…

This inspired me to write the Ten Commandments for the Military Marriage.

1. Flee from temptation: Guard your hearts. 

(inappropriate friendships, flirting via text or facebook, pornography, chat rooms, any type of sexual material, and wives: if you can’t face the reality of your life not being  a romance novel or movie or equivalent in some manner, then please do not read or watch those types of things…it’ll distort your standard).

2. Do not go AWOL on your marriage.

Our divorce rates are higher than civilians. Don’t believe me? Google it. I’m not here to speak statistics to you, though. If you live it, you know it. You’ve had to fight to stay together before. Hell, you’ve probably had to fight to WANT to stay together. Fight for the want and DO NOT give up. Don’t leave.

3. Know your place in the chain-of-command. 

Wives, you are NOT the commander-in-chief. Husbands? Let God be your commander-in-chief and you be the VP. Husbands, YOU will be held accountable for your family. Wives, you nurture. Husbands, you lead. Realign yourself in those positions and do not get out of order.

4. Communicate! 

I remember when the war first kicked off, communication was pretty much nonexistent—that’s rarely the case anymore, so use what you have to communicate, whether e-mail, skype, yahoo messenger, snail mail, whatever….but, USE your words, people! Use morse code if you have to! And if you’re home together, don’t waste your precious time being sulled up over stupid, petty things that won’t matter in the big picture of life!

Lonely? Let your spouse know, so they can fill that void! Angry? Talk it out. Scared? Pray. Pray together. Have an expectation that isn’t being met? Does your spouse even know about the expectation? Not unless you tell them!

Keep your communication lines open. Be honest with one another.

5. Set a COA–uphold it! 

(Course of Action)

Set standards and family guidelines and uphold them when you’re together and when you’re geographically separated (i.e. finances, sex, quality time, etc).

6. Be disciplined!

I believe one of the most appealing things about the military is the discipline that comes with being involved within it—whether one wants to admit it or not—people crave discipline. Oh, how easy it would be to not be disciplined! An apathetic attitude isn’t that hard to achieve or maintain. But, listen, marriage is hard work! You know that. SO, to achieve the results you want (successful marriage), you have to be disciplined and you have to be willing to sacrifice the easy for the hard, sometimes. Quitting is easy—but keep your goals in sight! Be diligent, work hard, and don’t give up!

7. Pick your battles!

Lord, help us all to do this. Help us to realize that we are not in control!

The reality for us military wives is this: anytime you say “goodbye”, could literally be your last goodbye. You don’t want that goodbye littered with bickering that wasn’t necessary. By no means am I suggesting that one ignore major issues, but I am asking that you not nag your spouse to death over little things.

8. Embrace your time together and use it wisely.

Enjoy each other. Enjoy family time. Go on a picnic. Plan a vacation. Make memories. Take pictures and take a lot of them. Wives, make memories with your children while your husband is away so that when you’re old and gray, you can share them with him. Husbands, make an effort to spend quality time with your spouse and children—the war will still be there when you go back and if it’s not? Good.

9. Be willing to seek assistance if needed. 

Sometimes, you need a third party to be a deliberator. Sometimes, you may need a bit of counseling. Sometimes, you just need to fall on your faces before the Lord. Sometimes, they come home different. Sometimes, your feelings may change. Whatever the case may be, the military offers many resources to combat what’s going on. Pastors and Chaplains are wonderful resources. Find a resource and make an effort to get the help you need.


You are a vapor.

Life is precious and we are not promised tomorrow.

The risks are high for our military service members. Hold them tight. Laugh together. Love together. Be passionate for one another. Do not become blasé towards each other. Time is all you have and there’s never enough of it.




I have eight first cousins. We grew up so closely associated, that I would consider any of them my brother or sister. There were 10 of us, total–including me and my sister, 5 boys, 5 girls. Perfect:) 

We’re all fiercely protective of one another, even if it’s one of us that is in the wrong. Seriously. We have a saying in our family: “we can mess with each other, but no one else better dare”. And that’s exactly how it is. 

My cousins were my first friends. 

My earliest memories include them. 

We went through hard times together. We saw each other through. 

We protected each other. 

I grew up knowing that at least 9 other people in this world, had my back. 

And in the environment that I grew up in—that was important to me. 

They were my security blanket, my compadres, my gang, my people. 

I love my people. 

We went to church together. We learned about God together. 

We sang together. 

We grew up, together. 

Many of my best memories, include my cousins.

I got into the most trouble—with my cousins:) 

We’re all grown, now. All of us, with children. All of us in different walks of life. We’ve drifted. Some of us have moved from home. Some of us haven’t. Some of us don’t even like each other anymore, and that’s okay. We still have each other’s back. 

I thank God for my cousins. 

This Easter week, like every Easter week, leads me to the story of Jesus. 

Isaiah the prophet wrote about the coming of the Savior and also about the man that would “clear the road for him”. 

That road clearer: John the Baptist. 

Born to parents that were “righteous in God’s eyes”. Parents that knew from the moment of conception, who their child was to be: John, “the Lord is gracious”. 

The first prophet in 400 years…

John’s crowd was huge, full of repenters, full of eager hearts, open ears..

And there he was, fulfilling his purpose, preparing the way, baptizing, eating locusts, sleeping in the wilderness, and saying “But someone is coming soon who is greater than I am–so much greater that I’m not worthy even to be his slave and carry his sandals. He will baptize you with the Holy Spirit and with fire”. 

And then his cousin walks up…


And John knew. 

He saw the Spirit descend upon Him.  

And he baptized Him. 

Mission Complete. 



Lift your family up. 

Pray for one another. 


Put them before yourself. 

Love one another.