Tag Archives: separation

My today is his yesterday.

“My today is his yesterday”. 

That’s what my friend said to me about her husband who is serving a tour of duty in Korea. 

What a beautiful revelation of time. 

Time. 

It’s what both plagues and blesses the military spouse. 

It surrounds every aspect of our military lives.

How long will he be gone? 

What time is PT? 

How long will we be stationed here? 

When are you coming home? 

When is the next four day? three day? 

Training holiday? 

What time is it there, where he is? 

What day is it there, where he is? 

What major mile markers will he miss during his time away? 

Holidays? 

And when you know he’s leaving, you count the months, the days, the hours, the seconds and you absorb them as much as you can. 

And it’s the same when he returns: You countdown time. 

How many more years until he can retire or get out? 

Time. 

It’s something no one can escape. 

It’s something no one should take for granted. 

And I am so thankful and humbled to know that I serve a God that knew me and my husband before the foundation of time. 

My God, who remains the same yesterday, today, and forever. 

I serve a timeless God. 

And I pray that you do too. 

 

 

 

 

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The problem is you…

This is gonna hurt.

You are no longer in love with your spouse:

your spouse that you entered into a covenant with…

your spouse that you have children with…

your spouse that doesn’t act like you are dating anymore (because, FYI, you’re not dating, you’re married–where real life happens)…

your spouse, that when compared to others, just doesn’t add up…

(awwww, that is so sweet! I wish my husband/wife would do that…

why can’t my spouse act like that?

Look how good HE is with his kids, why can’t mine be like that?

Look how well she takes care of herself, why can’t my wife look like that?)

your spouse with the communication problems…

your spouse with the porn addiction…

your overweight spouse…

your spouse that can’t meet your need for constant attention, no matter how hard they try…

your spouse that other people would love to have…

your successful spouse…

your unemployed spouse…

your spouse that is still in their pajamas when you come home from work…

your lazy spouse…

your spouse with a personality that you no longer like…

your addicted spouse…

your bald spouse…

your spouse that takes care of you when you are sick…

your spouse that loves you even though you aren’t perfect either…

your spouse that loves the Lord with all of their heart…

your spouse that patiently waits for you to return to the marriage…

your spouse that is just as confused as you are…

your spouse that prays for you…

your spouse that loves you…

Here’s something they don’t tell you when you take your vows: Marriage is hard work. EVERYDAY—for the rest of your life!

Marriage requires you to protect yourself from the enemy.

Wanna know why?

The enemy loves—and I mean LOVES—to destroy families! That’s his greatest weapon! Why? BECAUSE GOD USES FAMILIES FOR HIS GLORY!!!

So, when your spouse isn’t meeting your needs…

or not looking as attractive as they use to…

or not sweeping you off your feet on a daily basis…

or just “not making me happy”…

or not meeting the expectations that you have set for them (yet failed to tell them about)…

REMEMBER: it’s you that is throwing in the towel…

it’s you that is handing over the reigns of your marriage to the enemy…

it’s you that is giving up…

it’s you, that your children will resent when they grow-up and look back at the situation…

it’s you (allowing the enemy to work through you) that will cause chaos in your family…

it’s you, not looking at your spouse through the eyes of Christ…

it’s you, disrespecting your husband…

it’s you, not loving your wife…

it’s you, not daily dying to your selfishness and your flesh…

it’s you, resenting your spouse for something that isn’t their fault…

it’s you, looking outside of your marriage for excitement and attention…

it’s you, tired of the mundane…

it’s your bad attitude…

it’s you, not happy with yourself that makes you unhappy in your marriage…

it’s you, seeking the world, not His face…

it’s you.

It’s not your spouse. It’s you.

PUT YOUR DUKES UP AND FIGHT!

Fight for your marriage!

Pray for your spouse!

Stop wallowing in “ME, ME, ME”!

When you said “I do” it stopped being about YOU!

I know that’s a hard pill to swallow, but grab yourself some water and choke it down!

Get over yourself…

it’s not about “RIGHT NOW”—it’s about the Kingdom of God!

So what if you were just a kid when you got married! Most people are!

Do you not think that God, in his infinite wisdom, knew that you would marry that person? Even if it was the wrong person? Doesn’t His Word say that “he makes all things work together for the good of those who LOVE HIM”?

Do you not love Him?

If you are contemplating separation or divorce, look at your spouse and ask yourself these two questions:

#1. Where do I see myself when my hair is gray, my kids are adults, and my grandchildren are running around? Do you see your spouse setting beside you, holding your wrinkled hand? Or, do you see that person you have been lusting after holding your hand? Take a good, hard look, at how your future will change, when you toss in the towel because you aren’t “happy”. Can you look your children in the eye and tell them that you are being selfish and due to your selfishness, the course of their entire lives will be changed–they’ll become a statistic? Can you do that?

#2. How are you going to react when your spouse finds someone else? The reality of that, if you are being honest with yourself, will be bitterness. You’ll be bitter that they are happy with someone else, or that they are a better spouse to someone else, or that the new spouse is better looking than you, or that they are a better parent than you. Keep it real—you’ll be hateful and bitter…even if you are good at faking not being that way. It’ll affect you. And then you know what you will do? You’ll wish you would have stopped being selfish. You’ll wish your kids didn’t have to go to two houses for Christmas, or be tossed around every other weekend. You’ll remember your past married life and think “it wasn’t really that bad, we could have made it work”. You’ll think of all the “what might have beens if I hadn’t of been”…

So…

Get your head out of your hind-end!

Lift it up, to where your help comes from!

Call upon Him! He will answer!

It’s gonna be a fight! I promise you!

But, it’s a fight that you can win! I promise you that too!